Islipped on a pair of heeled calf-high boots and rode the elevator up from my boyfriend Gabe’s private apartment to the open lobby. The daylight shone through the main entry as the doors opened. Winter was in full swing, which in Minnesota meant endless cold and snow. The waiting spring crackled through my veins like icicles hanging from a roof waiting to melt. Soon the ground would sprout flowers, trees, and grass. Critters would leave their dens to mate. I’d feel every bit of it, and it couldn’t happen too soon for my liking.

The doorman nodded to me as I opened my mailbox and flipped through the junk. A letter-sized manila envelope with my name on it gave me pause. I shoved the rest of the mail back in the box. Gabe would deal with it later.

As I made my way to the car, I opened the letter, wondering who I knew in California. The return address had no name, just a handwritten street and city. Inside, on thick paper with a fancy letterhead, the words looked like legalese. Something about a trust?

I folded it up haphazardly, stuffed the letter in my pocket, and headed to the last class of my college career. The past few years of troubles at the university made the decision not to pursue a master’s easy. I was ready to walk away. My professors spoke grandeurs about my graduation, and how I should give a speech. After all, I was the first male to ever graduate from the magic degree program. The thought of all those eyes staring, judging, just made me shudder.

The class passed as uneventfully as most had in the past few weeks. A survey for the teacher, a few final yawns from the class, and happy hugs for all the girl cliques as I made my way to the door. No one tried to hug me, which I was grateful for. However, waiting outside the classroom, the tall, muscular blond that was my older brother, Jamie, looked like he wanted one.

Someone nudged me. I glanced over to find Kelly, my best friend and Jamie’s lover. He winked at me and nodded his head in Jamie’s direction. I sighed and walked into Jamie’s waiting arms. His hug could probably have crushed a boa constrictor, but it was warm and it was real.

“Congrats, Seiran. It’s over. My baby brother—the first male witch to ever graduate with a magic studies degree.” Jamie smiled. “No more school, at least until you decide to go for another degree.” He could talk, since he had two.

Kelly patted me on the back. “You’re so lucky to be done. I’m just starting.”

I’d given him as much advice as I could. The years alone at school, alienated, hated, and discriminated against, had taught me a lot. For the spring semester, there would be three male students entering the magic studies program at the university. Dozens had already signed up to test and could be entering in the fall. The idea that I helped others find the courage to step up made me a little less shaky, but I’d never planned to be anyone’s leader. If anything, my childhood had taught me to keep my head down and try to go unnoticed. So much for that.

“Wanna go to lunch?” Kelly asked, his hand firmly nestled in Jamie’s. He walked proudly beside me, ignoring the glares coming our way. People’s opinions didn’t bother him much. I wished I was more like him. “I’ll drive. I can even drop Jamie off later to pick up your car.”

“Sure.” I wasn’t hungry, but I’d eat because I knew my body needed it. Now that school was finished, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. Sure, I could work at the Bloody Bar and Grill as long as I wanted, but it wasn’t my passion. Not even when Gabe, who was also my boss, allowed me to change the menu, as he often did.

The Dominion, the head of magic in general, had offered me a job as a paper pusher, answering phones and filing. I think they really just wanted to keep me from doing anything important, yet as the first male to be welcomed into their elite female society, it almost felt like a big deal processing papers, delivering things. Had I really gone to school for four years just to become a desk clerk? Sure, it would be an easy job. But after all the pain and suffering I’d put up with, I wanted more. Not that I had to be Regional Director like my mother, but something more important. Something worth giving up all of my previous goals.

I was so lost in thought that we’d gotten all the way to Kelly’s new car and I was in the backseat with Jamie sitting next to me before he poked me back to reality.

“Huh?”

“You’re sighing. What’s up?”

“Nothing.” The whole work thing and “what do I want to do with the rest of my life” was an issue for everyone, wasn’t it? What did I want to do? Kelly worked at the bar now too, but he had great aspirations of creating an equal camp environment for growing witches, female and male. He was majoring in magic, minoring in business and psychology, and was so laser-focused that sometimes I thought he and I lived on different planets. He was super focused until it came to my brother. Then there was the look he got on his face whenever Jamie was around. They both got kind of goofy, which made me smile and feel lonely at the same time. Suddenly I missed my boyfriend.

If it were nighttime, Gabe would be sitting next to me, but even though he was a vampire, he needed to sleep too. I’d snuggle up with him later, so long as I could get Sam, Gabe’s newly changed mentee, out of the apartment for a few hours. I knew they had to spend time together; it just bothered me how much time that was.

Jamie nudged me again. “You’re sighing again.”

I gave him a sideways glare. He could have sat up front with Kelly and left me to my brooding, but lately they both had begun to push. They followed me around and prodded me into speaking when I really just wanted to figure myself out. “Just thinking.”

“About?” he asked.

Nothing I was ready to share. Instead, I pulled the letter out of my pocket and handed it to him. “Do you understand this?”

Jamie read it through, seemed surprised for a moment, then flipped it over as though looking for more writing. “It’s a letter asking you to attend a meeting in California, just outside LA.”

That part I got, but it didn’t stop my stomach from clenching up when he said it out loud. “What kind of meeting?”

“Looks like a relative has passed away and he’s leaving you part of his estate. So as one of the trustees, you have to attend.”

“Who is it?” Kelly asked while he steered us to the restaurant he’d chosen for lunch.

“Charles Merth.”

And my dad—our dad—had been Dorien Merth. I knew little about him other than his name and that he’d been executed for supposedly trying to hurt my mom while she was pregnant with me. “Was he related to our dad?” I tugged at Jamie’s sleeve, trying to see the letter. How did he get that information out of all that legal jargon?

“His younger brother. I’ve never met him.” The tone of Jamie’s voice sounded odd.

“Are you mad ’cause I’m a trustee? What does that even mean? Why would he give me something? I’ve never heard of him.” Whatever this stranger was leaving me didn’t matter if it came between us. Jamie and I had worked too hard to get this far. Sure, we didn’t always get along. He was too touchy-feely for me and I was too reserved for him, but most of the time we fit okay. I liked when he played big brother and took care of me when it came to the small stuff like rides and food, and he liked that I let him. I didn’t want that to change.

“Why would I be mad?” Jamie leaned over and gave me a rib-shattering squeeze before stuffing the letter away in his pocket. “The letter says you need to go to California. We’ll have Gabe call his lawyer to work out details. Hopefully, they can just read the will over the phone or something. I don’t think it’d be wise for you to travel out of state right now. Not with all the press you’ve had in the past few months.”

I’d never been to California. Never been anywhere, really, just Minnesota and Wisconsin in my earlier party days. Funny, since, at twenty-three, I should have had many more party days to go, but that was all behind me now, just like school. Was a life of mindless work all I had ahead of me? And why was some guy I’d never met giving me something when he’d never shown any interest in me while he was alive?

We sat down for lunch and discussed unimportant things like what crazy baby items we had bought for my twins. The babies would be arriving in a few months. They had been conceived through artificial insemination, and Jamie’s little sister, Hanna, was carrying them. She and Jamie had the same mother, but different dads, and Jamie and I shared the same dad. I hoped for my babies it would be less confusing. Family was family.

Jamie and Kelly held hands and gave each other occasional kisses. People stared. I drank tea and ate what I could. The earth slept underneath a layer of ice and cold. I couldn’t even turn to its ever-pulsing warmth for comfort. All I wanted was for the sun to set so I could be out in the open with Gabe. Sometimes he could chase away the growing melancholy and assure me it was simply the change of the seasons that affected me so badly.

Unfortunately, he spent more time with Sam these days than me. He had an obligation to fulfill as Sam’s mentor to the vampire world. Gabe had warned me that it would take up some of his time. I guess I just never thought it would be the time he normally spent with me.

Jamie pushed a piece of cake in front of me. It was red, blue, orange, and yellow, and had white frosting with rainbow sprinkles. “Stop sighing and share some cake with us.”

Kelly handed me a fork, as somehow I’d missed the waiter coming to ask us if we wanted anything else. Three forks, a giant piece of cake, and us, hmm. I dug in and shared with my friends, riding the edge of their happiness as if it were my own. Maybe a sunny vacation would be good. I wondered if I could convince Gabe to go. He’d been so wrapped up in Sam and whatever was going on with the Tri-Mega, he always seemed stressed. We hadn’t even had a weekend together with just the two of us for months. Well, a few weeks. I missed him.

Kelly dropped Jamie off at school to pick up my car. He left saying something about going to the gym. Kelly declined his invite. He’d rather run or swim than lift or do squats. I was of the same mind, but thought maybe we’d go to the Y for the heated indoor pool over the weekend.

I stopped by Gabe’s underground place to grab my forgotten book reader. Sam sat at the counter, glaring at an open bottle of QuickLife. His stillness made him look like the vampire he was. Glazed eyes, waxy skin, pale coloring—was he getting enough to eat? Gabe never looked so inhuman.

Sam flipped through a giant tome of a book, but didn’t seem to actually be reading it. I wondered if it was a book on vampires. So much about them was still a mystery. Did I have to be one to learn all the details? Did being the focus of a master like Gabe not win me any brownie points?

I could probably have asked Sam if I could look at the book, or even if it really was about vampires, though it looked ancient and somewhat ominous. But that meant talking to Sam. I sort of avoided doing that until I had to. His very existence annoyed me. He couldn’t help the position he was in. Hadn’t asked for it. Gabe was trying to help. And I really didn’t wish the guy dead. Or undead, or whatever the hell vampires classified themselves as now. I just wanted more time with my boyfriend.

Sam didn’t glance my way as I grabbed my reader and headed back upstairs. The place smelled like him now, not Gabe. I would have taken Gabe’s smelly shampoo any day over that musky crap Sam seemed to bathe in. Kelly said he couldn’t smell it. Didn’t know what I was taking about.

I couldn’t even cook in the kitchen down there anymore because everything had been tainted by that smell. Gabe assured me it would pass, saying it was just something new vampires had. I wasn’t so sure. But it was his home, so if he could tolerate it, I guess that was all that mattered.

My phone rang with an unfamiliar number. I frowned at it, though it had been nearly a month since anyone had harassed me. Maybe someone I knew had changed his number. “Hello?”

“Hello, Seiran,” a smooth voice came across the phone. My brain took a few moments to register where I’d heard it before.

“Tresler.” One of the Tri-Mega head vampires was calling me. My heart pounded, and my blood felt like ice water running through my veins. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m interested in how you feel about being Gabriel’s focus.”

“Is he in trouble?” We’d had a little trouble with the Tri-Mega a few months back. They didn’t want Gabe claiming a focus and starting a nest of vampires without notifying them first. I sort of got the impression they would kill us both if we did.

“Of course not. He’s filed all the correct paperwork. We’ve approved his request to form a nest.” He sounded amused. “I wonder what interesting vampires will he create, being bound to the most powerful earth witch in the world.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m the most powerful witch in the world.” There were five Pillars. I was only one of them.

Tresler laughed, which sounded creepy and intimidating, even over the phone. But I suppose any guy who could probably melt your brain by just looking at you should have a scary laugh. “So unexpectedly modest.”

“Is there something I can help you with?” I finally said after a moment of silently debating how to reply.

“Have you seen any unusual vampires around lately?”

Was this a trick question? Was I supposed to be looking for unusual vampires? I sort of let Gabe handle all of the vampire business. Especially after the death of Andrew Roman, who had been trying to torture Gabe for years. Vampires were bad news. Except Gabe, of course. “No.”

“Good.” He hung up.

What the hell? I shoved my phone in my pocket and made a mental note to ask Gabe about Tresler’s odd behavior. Last I heard, the Tri-Mega had little to no value for human life, even when that human was the focus of another vampire. We were expendable, easily replaced, nothing but food. Most of the vampires around Gabe didn’t act that way, but then I got the feeling he wasn’t exactly the norm either.

When I walked into my condo, Kelly sat sprawled out on the couch watching football. I’d never had cable before he moved in with me. Now we had every sports channel the area offered, and the TV was always on with some sort of game. The only one I refused to listen to was basketball. The squeaking of shoes on the floor just made my head hurt.

“You okay?” Kelly asked, glancing my way. “You’ve been pretty quiet today. Figured you’d be thrilled to be done with school.”

“I’m fine,” I promised him. Uncertain of what my future held, but I’d manage. “Just sort of—” I had to think for a minute. “—drifting.”

Now he looked at me, hazel eyes studying my face so long I had to look away.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I had never been a talk-it-out sort of guy, and maybe that was the problem. But I’d learned that no one wanted you to unload your issues on them. My mother always taught me that when I got emotional, I should be silent. Now that was sort of my normal setting.

“I’m gonna go take a bath,” I told him and headed to the bathroom. I turned on the jets in the tub and waited for the steamy water to fill up before stripping down, putting a clear plastic baggy over my reader, and settling into a new book. Surely some hot guy would get his ass pounded by a warrior with a huge rod. That was the kind of escape I needed. Reading wouldn’t give me answers, but it’d give me time to not wallow in my own indecision.

My mind wandered a few times to the letter. My uncle had left me stuff. Why hadn’t he left anything for Jamie? Was Jamie just not telling me he got a letter too? What had my father been like? I knew he’d been one of the leaders of the Ascendance, but everything I knew of the Ascendance reminded me of Andrew Roman, who had been an evil man. Where had the corruption begun? Had my father known? Had his brother been involved with the Ascendance too?

Kelly popped into the bathroom sometime after 5:00 p.m., probably to be sure I didn’t drown. Which was silly, since he was the most powerful water witch in the world; it was unlikely I’d drown while less than twenty feet from him. But he checked on me a lot no matter what I was doing.

The Dominion, the leading body of magic, was still discussing our Pillar ceremony. Since we were already Pillars, I wasn’t sure what was up for discussion, but whatever. They did like to blow a lot of hot air around. Kelly was okay just being Kelly for now. And I liked that.

He sat down on the side of the tub, face guarded, but eyes looking me over like he was waiting for me to fall apart. I wasn’t that fragile. Not anymore. “Gabe stopped by. He wants to go tree shopping,” he said.

I groaned. Was it that time of year already? “I hate how people insist on having a dying tree in their living room, decorating it like it’s a fucking clown, and then throwing it away.”

Kelly’s hoot of laughter almost made me drop my book reader. I carefully set the device aside and turned off the jets in the tub. The bubbles still surrounded me, giving me that sleepy warmth I loved from a bath, but the pruney look of my fingers meant I’d been in the water far too long.

“Don’t tell me you actually like Christmas?” I asked, more than a little worried I’d have another red-and-green freak on my hands.

“No. We are strictly Solstice folks in my house.” He pulled a giant fluffy blue towel off the shelf and held it out to me. “A clown? For a tree? Really?”

I pushed the buttons to drain the tub and rose carefully, taking the towel and wrapping it around me. The hot, damp air of the bathroom was cold compared to the warmth of the water. “How would you feel if someone put a star on your head and covered you with silly hanging ornaments?”

“Okay, Scrooge. I can expect no presents from you, then?”

Did I need to get him presents? I was new at this friend thing. I opened my mouth to ask, but he held up his hand.

“No worries, Sei. We’ll exchange Solstice wishes. Okay? Gifts are not needed.” He gestured to the room, even though it was just the bathroom, and said, “This is my gift. I don’t have to live with my folks. I don’t have to live on campus with those assholes. My best friend doesn’t look down on me for being gay or a witch, and I have a guy who likes to wake up with me. What more could I ask for?”

I glanced down at his battered Nikes. “New shoes?” He went through shoes sort of fast.

Kelly’s burst of laughter made me smile. Living with him was a breath of fresh air most days. He smiled easily enough, laughed a lot, and didn’t let much get to him, even when I was in a pissy mood like I was now. “Sure. Buy me some shoes. I’m a size nine, but get dressed, please. We need to play nice with others, your boyfriend included. Clown tree or not. We don’t have to think the same or even like the same things to love them. We just have to be supportive.”

I sighed. He was right. Damn, I hated when he was right. Kelly was so much better with people than I was. He knew when to play nice and when to turn on the fake charm. My charm had lost its autopilot button weeks ago and I was still struggling to get it back.

I trudged to my room to dress for the cold evening coming my way. For Gabe I’d do my best to find holiday cheer when all I wanted to do was sleep.